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T. S. Eliot’s Gift
There are no words for me to explain. Even though I have always searched. Indeed, I have spent my entire life looking. As a teenager, I read voraciously to find them. I poured through thousands of pages of literature searching for the right words. And then as an adult, I learned new languages and cultures…
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Feelings of Wonder
My body and mind are finally healing. It hurts like a motherfucker, but also… just wow. There is so much light it is dizzying. In fact, right now I need to listen to David Bowie quite often. Because what a revelation he is! You know how he makes you feel special when he sings to…
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Becoming Me
Shit, fuck. Shit, fuck. Shit, fuck. Why am I doing this? If anybody ever asks you to completely reset your nervous system, please tell them no. It is even worth shouting out, noooooooooooo! Because doing so is a really, really, really bad idea. I am healing, but not in the way I expected. This is…
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Monster Laws of Attraction
Being injured at birth has had real fucking consequences. The biggest is that I have never, ever achieved intimacy. I had an urgent need as a baby that was never addressed. Although I learned to hide it deeply inside of me, the need still required attention. The problem was that I was stuck in survival…
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Disappointed
‘Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.’ ― Alexander Pope I have been waiting my entire life for somebody to see me. For another being to take the time to understand. I should not have bothered. Then I would not be so fucking disappointed right now. Because I always feel…
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The Monsters Among Us
Being a good person is the most important thing. Indeed, I approach ethics with an almost deathly seriousness. Why? The monster inside of me makes being good very hard. People who do not intend to hurt me still cause me severe physical distress. As a result, I have had to spend an unusual and otherwise…
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Self Defence
Well, I actually did it. I just submitted a substantial complaint against the koala, aka Harry Cantellow, to the General Chiropractic Council in the UK. I cannot tell you how healing this is. Based on the material that I received from his former employer, Cantellow is not the good human I imagined him to be.…
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Monster Rising
I may not be okay right now, but I do know that some day I will be. It is difficult to just exist at the moment as my nervous system is unwinding my facial injuries. I have never felt this vulnerable and confused. It feels like riding on an old and rickety, never-ending rollercoaster. I…
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Letting Go
This is the definition of torture as I am reprogramming myself. After all, I am breaking my own self apart. Letting go of the monster means saying goodbye to my life as I have always known it. As a result, I really do find myself struggling to occupy space and time. But even though my…
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Double Consciousness
I cannot believe how fucked I am. The pain in my cheeks, head and neck is beyond unbearable right now and the only thing I can think about is killing myself. This is what the healer did to me. I know he wanted to cure me with network spinal because he cared. However, instead he…
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Faith and Resistance
I have never been more disappointed in humanity. My healing journey continues to get more difficult the closer I am to unwinding the knots of scar tissue in my facial nerves. I have never felt less safe or more alone. And never, ever this angry. I spent five decades of my life trying to tell…
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Monster Rationality
I know that he did not mean to hurt me. I know that he did not mean to hurt me. I know that he did not mean to hurt me. I have to keep saying this over and over to myself because oh my fucking God did he hurt me! I honestly do not know…
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Monster Misunderstandings
I am finally realising now that it was just a massive misunderstanding with the healer. He was not deliberately trying to hurt me. But I am also traumatically reliving why I had to write that review. My nervous system was not ready for what he was trying to achieve with his entrainments. High on faith,…
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My Monster Manifesto
It was a mistake for me to delete my review of the Tuning Room. Declaring war on the healer has sadly helped me to understand why. Yesterday I was surprisingly able to attend an amazing concert. Karl Jenkins conducting his Mass for Peace. It was the most stressful concert of my life. Wow, are my…
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Where are my Friends?
I have never felt this badly as my body is engulfed by pain. There are pinched nerves all the way done my vagus pathway, and every time any one of them is triggered the monster flexes and screams. It happens a lot during exercise at the moment, a paralytic burning down my left arm and…
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Retuning my Story
*This post is outdated. Forthcoming blogs will clarify how the healer fucked me up more than I wanted to realise in my guilty state… I deeply regret my experience with the Tuning Room. I never would have gone there and I certainly would not have continued with my treatment if I had known that there…
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Wings of Despair
One of my favourite films is ’Wings of Desire’ by Wim Wenders. Actually, it is more than a film. It is kind of like an artistic prayer. Released back in 1986, the film takes place in a still divided Berlin where angels are stealth guardians over the city’s residents, quietly listening to people’s thoughts and…