-
Self Defence
Well, I actually did it. I just submitted a substantial complaint against the koala, aka Harry Cantellow, to the General Chiropractic Council in the UK. I cannot tell you how healing this is. Based on the material that I received from his former employer, Cantellow is not the good human I imagined him to be.…
-
Monster Rising
I may not be okay right now, but I do know that some day I will be. It is difficult to just exist at the moment as my nervous system is unwinding my facial injuries. I have never felt this vulnerable and confused. It feels like riding on an old and rickety, never-ending rollercoaster. I…
-
Letting Go
This is the definition of torture as I am reprogramming myself. After all, I am breaking my own self apart. Letting go of the monster means saying goodbye to my life as I have always known it. As a result, I really do find myself struggling to occupy space and time. But even though my…
-
Double Consciousness
I cannot believe how fucked I am. The pain in my cheeks, head and neck is beyond unbearable right now and the only thing I can think about is killing myself. This is what the healer did to me. I know he wanted to cure me with network spinal because he cared. However, instead he…
-
Faith and Resistance
I have never been more disappointed in humanity. My healing journey continues to get more difficult the closer I am to unwinding the knots of scar tissue in my facial nerves. I have never felt less safe or more alone. And never, ever this angry. I spent five decades of my life trying to tell…
-
Monster Rationality
I know that he did not mean to hurt me. I know that he did not mean to hurt me. I know that he did not mean to hurt me. I have to keep saying this over and over to myself because oh my fucking God did he hurt me! I honestly do not know…
-
Monster Misunderstandings
I am finally realising now that it was just a massive misunderstanding with the healer. He was not deliberately trying to hurt me. But I am also traumatically reliving why I had to write that review. My nervous system was not ready for what he was trying to achieve with his entrainments. High on faith,…
-
On Spirit Murdering
Something happens inside of the depths of your soul when you are existentially unsafe, and yet the people around you do not recognise this. This is what inspired me to research social oppression. Oppression is not just a feeling; it is a physical power. Acts of oppression, whether intended or not, are living things. They…
-
My Monster Manifesto
It was a mistake for me to delete my review of the Tuning Room. Declaring war on the healer has sadly helped me to understand why. Yesterday I was surprisingly able to attend an amazing concert. Karl Jenkins conducting his Mass for Peace. It was the most stressful concert of my life. Wow, are my…
-
At War
I never thought that I would say this, but I am at war. I have to be, otherwise I will have to give up. Nobody has ever hurt me more than the healer. Even though I begged him to acknowledge how much he hurt me he refused. I even told him that I could not…
-
Network Spinal Waves
I deleted an earlier version of this blog because it was making me feel suicidal. It was an attempted apology to the healer. I now know that he wants absolutely nothing to do with me. I even burned the ugly picture that I drew of him. So, I am going to need to retune some…
-
Where are my Friends?
I have never felt this badly as my body is engulfed by pain. There are pinched nerves all the way done my vagus pathway, and every time any one of them is triggered the monster flexes and screams. It happens a lot during exercise at the moment, a paralytic burning down my left arm and…
-
Feeling Unsafe: Introducing Polyvagal Theory
I do not want to be alone right now. The only reason why I need to socially isolate is because I feel exponentially worse than anybody else is able to understand. As this has also been true my entire life, it fills me with rage. And now that I am almost stripped to my facial…
-
Retuning my Story
*This post is outdated. Forthcoming blogs will clarify how the healer fucked me up more than I wanted to realise in my guilty state… I deeply regret my experience with the Tuning Room. I never would have gone there and I certainly would not have continued with my treatment if I had known that there…
-
Wings of Despair
One of my favourite films is ’Wings of Desire’ by Wim Wenders. Actually, it is more than a film. It is kind of like an artistic prayer. Released back in 1986, the film takes place in a still divided Berlin where angels are stealth guardians over the city’s residents, quietly listening to people’s thoughts and…
-
Mirror Neurons and Empathy
Right now, I feel like a walking, talking nervous breakdown. Essentially, that is what I am doing: by finally healing the pinched nerves in my face and throughout the vagus pathway, the scar tissue – my monster – is losing its physicality. Thus, my energy and its accompanying monster logic, which has long kept my…
-
In Search of Dorian Gray
How is it possible to go from taking drugs with rock stars in London and New York to sipping tea with Ayatollahs and Sheikhs in Tehran and Beirut? Wow, this is hard to explain. So, I need to go further back. When I was a child, I spent all of my energy trying to get…
-
Love, Hate and No Exit
French philosopher and playwright Jean Paul Sartre famously wrote, ‘Hell is just—other people’. I reread his play No Exit after the fallout with my shaman doctor. I do remember reading it in French class during high school, but revisiting it again now was illuminating. In the play, three characters arrive in Hell expecting fire and…
-
All Summer in a Day
What happens if somebody or something outside of your control pushes you into a dark closet and then locks the door, leaving you all alone and apart from humanity, without being able to realise any of your hopes and dreams? And what if all of this is happening without anybody else knowing or seeming to…
-
My Monster Fairytale
Once upon a time, a foetus was conceived without her mother’s knowledge. One day, the mother had a tummy ache and so she went to see a doctor, not knowing that he was evil. Using his high voltage X-ray machine, the doctor secretly planted a horrible monster in the foetus’s stomach that feeds on human…
-
Review: 1-54 Contemporary African Art Fair
I recently attended the 1-54 Contemporary African Art Fair in Harlem, New York and was absolutely blown away by the quality of art on show. First launched back in 2013, 1-54, the leading international art fair dedicated to contemporary art from Africa and the African diaspora, now takes place annually in the cities of Marrakech,…
-
Decolonizing Classical Music: Some Reflections in the Year of the Tiger
Last month, the US-China Music Institute of the Bard College Conservatory of Music in upstate New York presented The Sound of Spring concert. The program of Chinese classical music was performed by The Orchestra Now (TŌN) and featured some of the most breathtaking sounds I have ever heard live. Organized to celebrate the Chinese New…